This above all; to thine own self be true.
-William Shakespeare
Being true to oneself is the most important decision any person can make in life. Letting others down isn’t something to be relished, but you should learn to see this as a subjective and changeable ‘relational transaction’. In the currency of relationships, such profits and losses come and go. I have learned that the disappointment others feel often says more about them and their expectations, than it does about you. Further, it’s not always possible, let alone desirable, to meet up to everyone’s expectations, hopes and wishes.
Should you fall in your own eyes or feel diminished within your own estimation, however, more serious contemplation is called for. When you aren’t measuring up to your own yardstick for success, fulfillment or personal standards you should consider why this is so, and seek to make adjustments as soon as possible. After all, there is only one of ‘you’, and you have to spend your whole life with that person! Maintaining that relationship is fundamental to your own peace of mind.
But it isn’t so simple. No person is an isolated island. The rules for living that you ascribe to, have not been written by your own hand. Rather, they are laws and edicts that have been passed down from those who have cared for you, taught and raised you. They are the tablets that society has prepared for you. School, family, religion – these institutions have always had power over you, sometimes for better or worse. Too often, you have been taught to follow the collective, and may even have been shunned or punished for thinking as an individual, or looking at things from a different perspective.
Giving up on your inner voice, having been pushed to doubt it, you have whole programs that have simply been streamed into your psyche. The wider world has not offered anything more wholesome either – the personal truths that you guard and work to protect, have often been absorbed subliminally from the media that surrounds you, drenching you with its colour and hue. What is fashionable, where to travel to, which groups of society to accept and which to reject – all of these choices come pre-loaded, unless you develop a discerning mind.
So how do you know your own mind? When you resolve to feel something, think a certain way or perform any particular action, who directs this? Is it you, or a version of you? Is it the script that has been handed to you, or one that you have forged with your own hand? In truth, you will never really be sure. The mind is the sum total of your experience, having vacuumed all manner of ideas and habits through the sense organs that serve it. And this process has taken place not just in this lifetime, but over generations of your being here. You are not just a part of history, but a container of it too.
In so much confusion, drowning in thoughts and sensations that push you around like a ship in stormy seas, it becomes important to find stability. Either the shore needs to be in sight, or a heavy anchor needs to be dropped, just to hold you still. Perhaps this is why people in unprecedented numbers are reaching for meditative retreats, yoga classes, mindfulness groups and psychological therapies. Others look towards places of worship, gurus or scriptural writings. Through all these devices, the hope is to find respite, to regroup and realign. In short, to reestablish a sense of personhood – to feel grounded and collected within. There is the risk that you open yourself up to another group that seeks to tell you what to think, and how to be – but when you find a place that truly empowers and unshackles you, trust the informing light of your heart and soul.
And it is then, that the ‘real you’ can begin to surface. Its hallmarks are a more expansive mind, the willingness to embrace multiple possibilities, rather than singular truths, and greater acceptance of yourself, aswell as those around you. In this worldview, there is no adherence to prejudice – you find goodness in a person, regardless of their socio-political status or religiosity, and won’t be surprised or repulsed if human fallibility rears its head from time to time. Because all people, even criminals, have some goodness hidden within them, and all who consider themselves saintly, have some shortcomings that surface eventually. The real you is capable of tolerance, offering the benefit of doubt, encouraging the best potential within others and where needed, sending out forgiveness too.
I did not come across the real me, until I found a mentor who was generous enough to take me beyond space and time, to that which endures. Like a mirror reflecting all that stands before it, the deeper I looked, the more I saw of me! Delving deeper still, I saw the boundaries between ‘me’ and ‘you’ dissolve which brought a profound state of calm, joy and peace. It was like the melting that takes place when you gaze at the setting sun in a crimson sky, only more overwhelming.
With practice at spending time with the real me, I began to realise that it was never about what you do, but how you do it; not about what you accumulate, but how you feel (and make others feel) in the process; not about getting somewhere, but becoming aware of where you stand here and now; not having more, but being more; not fighting with others, but leaning towards love; not correcting those around you, but challenging yourself to be better.
It may feel I have exchanged my prior set of conditioning for the new. An update to my old program, if you like. But there is a vitality and vibrancy that comes with this real me, which is unmistakably authentic. Without the push or pull of rejecting or wanting, I am that I am. From this vantage point, I respond, rather than react. The real me holds the pen, and authors the story that unfolds, offering a natural approach to people and circumstances leaving me free of regret, and creating space for contentment to flow.
This isn’t to say I am perfect, or never make mistakes – only that I do not do so knowingly. Past learning is never erased, with old instincts and mental impressions taking charge of the script again, should awareness slip. The ill-intentioned may also grasp at the reigns of your soul, seeking to take mastery over you once more. But you can overcome these hazards, by re-focusing on the real, thus returning to awareness. My mentor taught me how to do this, through simran – a powerful modality, in which the dust of conditioning (both old and new) is blown away, so that purity may shine through. The real me, and the real you is truly luminous. It works through wholesome intentions. With this as the guiding principle, you cannot help but leave the world in a better way than you found it. Now that seems to be a worthy use of the life that has been gifted…to you and to me.
-Dr Bobby Sura
Solihull, UK
