The dictionary explanation for the word compassion is sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others. However, I believe that compassion has a very broad remit in terms of meaning, expression and experience. Let me elaborate.
In my days in the army, when a service man requested leave for unexpected circumstances – i.e. an accident or death of a family member -, the officers in charge, who, in normal situations declined leave, would readily agree to such requests on compassionate grounds. Compassionate grounds, therefore, meant allowing the individual to leave with no questions asked.
But how do we relate to compassion in our day to day life? The most important thing, first of all, is to relate to the person across from us, irrespective of his place of origin and his mode of life. For that to happen, however, the following things are important:
- The ability to put our personal experiences and opinions aside, and try to relate to the other person facing us (sometimes, to use our experience to help us stand in the other’s shoes).
- Not to attempt to judge the person and find reasons to fault him or her.
- Lending a listening ear and not putting yourself out to give an opinion, unless specifically asked for one.
Simply said, with these 3 factors intact, we can naturally arrive at a compassionate stance. You find that any problem can either be solved or softened in impact when the suffering person is approached in a calm and responsive manner. This needs a compassionate heart.
I remember a time when Baba Hardev Singh ji spoke to me with a heart filled with compassion. He said, even if saints doze off in the Sangat, they still get the benefits of being there. In challenging this viewpoint, you can indeed question as to how a person, asleep in the Sangat, can actually gain anything. Baba ji expresses it compassionately as, a saint who sleeps in the Sangat clearly needs a break from his or her stressful life. If nothing else, the Sangat offers that saint rest and comfort. I wonder how I would judge someone who fell asleep next to me in the Sangat. Would I deal with him compassionately or rebuke him?
In short, with the ever-evolving world of technology, achieving any task is getting faster and faster with innovative gadgets. But with all this growth, individual evolution is important too, and must not be neglected. While computers can solve problems at lightning speed, we should be both quick and at the same time patient in helping others with their needs. Our compassion for each other will move us to action. When combined with tolerance and kind patience, no problem is too great.
Our daily self-analysis must see if our compassion is becoming stronger or actually suffering from compassion fatigue. Ironically, we rarely tire from ridiculing, criticising and judging others. Why is it that we tire of being compassionate? One cure for this issue is to consider how we would feel if people tired in their care and compassion for us.
Compassion is a deeply human response. In practicing it, not only do our communication skills improve, but so do our relational responsiveness and friendships. What is more, by exercising compassion we are guaranteed an upwards trajectory of personal growth. This certainly keeps us on the right track as a human being.
When we are compassionate, every decision we make comes from the heart, not our mind. It is important that the heart supersedes the mind, where the response needed is one of love and care, rather than opinions and advice. As compassion develops within, even the words we speak as guidance are imbued with love and kindness.
– Jaidev A Nanwani, Singapore
