Seven and a half minutes, that’s how long it took to change my life.
My life, although good and fulfilling had always been a myriad of questions, a kaleidoscope of fractured meanings and thoughts, a never ending search for my reason for being.
My ego whispered to me that I was successful, a Director for an International Charity, I congratulated myself for achieving my career aspirations and was convinced that I was happy and fulfilled. I lived in a house that had been a dream for years, ostentatious material things that appeared to give me satisfaction and pride. I was married, a loving 20 year partnership that I arrogantly thought would never end.
In seven and a half minutes everything changed. It was a warm, sunny afternoon in July 2017 when I walked into my Consultants office, the grave look on his face an instant and stomach wrenching tell that it was bad news. I remember hearing his words clearly, “Debbie its cancer“.
In the following 24 hours I remember feeling nothing, devoid of any emotion, numb. Then I became angry, why me? It isn’t fair, words I uttered to myself everyday. I hurtled into a blackhole of frustration and anxiety and my world as I knew it, fell apart.
I won my battle with cancer and went into remission but I had to reduce my hours at work losing my status, my marriage of 20 years didn’t survive the strain and I lost my house. I mourned, mourned the past, mourned the success and the love that I had lost.
By the time I found the Oneness Gatherings and Neti Neti meditation, my ego was devouring me like a rabid wolf, eating away at my self confidence and I was lost. When I walked into the room in Cannock for the first time I felt an indescribable sense of peace. Welcoming smiles and loving energy and I suddenly felt deeply connected. Connected to something bigger than myself and more beautiful than any possession I had owned. I began to learn that my past is not me, the life I had, driven by my ego was gone, I felt born again into the realisation that nothing is permanent, everything can be lost, nothing or no-one is owned.
When I received the Gyan experience it felt as if I had found myself, it was as if I had put on a pair of glasses and suddenly for the first time in my life I could see. My ego fell away and the beauty around me, the formless, came into the sharpest of divine focus.
I realised how can I mourn for my partner? You cannot own another person, you cannot expect forever, you can love, yes, but everything can be lost, it is only arrogance that tells us otherwise. How can I mourn for my house, just bricks and mortar, a possession, it is not me, it was just a transient part of my existence. Why should I fear death? My body is not me, it is just a vessel that holds me to the earth, I cannot die. I am formless and I have found Nirankar, my true master. Through Satguru’s grace I am ready to serve without the constraints of regret, fear, envy, pride and ego. I am unburdened, a dutiful citizen, dedicated to help, able to distinguish between the eternal truth and transient existence, reality and non-reality. Seven and a half minutes that’s how long it took to change my life. Those tragic moments led to one that was sublime. Now I know that I am formless, I am free, I am love.
Debbie Braid, Staffordshire, UK
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