You have to lose yourself to find yourself
-Willem Defoe
For me, a non-scholar, this quote simply means that something needs to be lost or forgotten for it to be found. What do you think? Do you believe you have to lose yourself in order to find self?
You may already have some beliefs and impressions about materialism and spirituality. My intention is not to challenge any of these beliefs, but simply to share my experiences, which you may find intriguing.
I do not think there is a separate time and space for the material and the spiritual worlds. They are part of the same coin; one is the Creator and the other, the Creation. In line with the thought – we are spiritual beings having a human experience – we need to find answers to the most important questions about our being.
Asking Lord Ram (God-incarnate) as to what and where the omnipresent, eternal Ram is, happens to be as important today as it was in the past. This is because everything we do and achieve, often employing Instagram, Facebook or Twitter, is all about focussing outwardly, an attempt to validate our self-worth and identity through external means. Mata Sudikshaji talks about the fear of missing out, in the social media context, which leads to anxiety and depression.
Having been brought up in Delhi, in an average middle-class loving family, my parents gave us – the two children – good moral values and decent education. We regularly visited places of worship and life was hale and hearty. Like many of us, I had no reasons, no reasons whatsoever to worry about who I really was, and whether or not I needed to find myself.
However, in the third year of my graduation in Bangalore, I learned about the demise of my Grandfather, which shook me as a person. I was away from my family, alone in a different state of India. I thought perhaps going to a temple would give me solace. Life went on, and visiting temples became a regular affair.
One Sunday, I asked one of my friends to come to the temple with me. Having engaged in worship, my friend explained she would need to leave the temple as she was getting late for her Sunday Satsang. As I was the reason for her delay, I offered to drive her to the Satsang, which I knew was the kind of worship and congregation with which she was involved. Arriving outside the Satsang Bhawan, she invited me inside. This was my first interaction with the Sant Nirankari Mission.
The truth is that I came across the same good things that I would hear in any other place of worship. However, what was to change my life, was to come after the Satsang had finished. During the communal meal, something stood out dramatically. The people who were serving the ‘langar’ behaved impeccably; they had so much affection in their eyes. The person I sat next to fed me before he took a morsel for himself, and displayed warmth that was truly heavenly.
I was reminded of the unconditional love that I experienced with my Grandfather. This captivated me. One person, whom I met for the first time invited me to his house for another Satsang that was to take place mid-week. I could not refuse. Arriving there a few days later, I received the same affection from the members of that household. All of this seemed quite unreal. It got me questioning as to how these people have so much love, even for strangers. I wanted to know more about the source of this affection, which naturally led me to the affiliation these devoted souls had to their benevolent Satguru – their spiritual guide and mentor. Meeting Satguru, the foundation of unconditional love was revealed, and my journey of finding myself began.
I had grown up with the traditional thought that you have to be pure, divine, and even a recluse, prior to being favoured by God’s spiritual abode. However, the philosophy of the Nirankari Mission turned this notion on its head. As I read the slogan – God-realisation leads to self-realisation – on the walls of the Nirankari Bhawan it proved to be quite a revelation.
With the grace of Satguru, it became clear to me that you really must lose yourself for you to find yourself. The disillusionment I had felt on losing my beloved Grandfather had challenged my notion of life and existence – I was in many ways lost. I have come to understand that this disillusionment with the world is often a precursor to realising what is real, and lasting. Satguru Mataji explained it in a recent discourse as follows: 0 comes before 1; you have to become zero prior to becoming one. Indeed one has to know one, believe in one, and become one.
My journey began in earnest, after those initial spiritual inspirations in Satsang. I am moving forwards on the path of Gyan now. Baba Hardev Singhji, a legendary Satguru of the Sant Nirankari Mission, once mentioned that the speed of travel is not as important as the direction of travel. Hence, I constantly remind myself to check that I am moving forwards on the path of Gyan. Of course, I am forever forgetful! Attracted by the lure of the fleeting material world, with all its glow and sparkle, I easily forget the most important chapter of my life – that Knowledge of God, in which the Real and Enduring was made manifest. And of course, if I forget the Gyan, then I lose touch again with who I truly am. Adherence to this wonderful journey of devotion and worship of God, is the only way that I can stay in tune with the Infinite. It is the only way I can find myself, and remain anchored in that realisation.
I read somewhere that there is no smaller or greater mastery than the mastery over one’s self. But the dichotomy is that the more you get to know about your real self the more you realise that your self has no existence of its own. What becomes apparent is that you have to lose your identify to really find your worth. Godfidence is the word that Satguru Mataji uses to define this way of being. She says that we are nothing without God. However, God will always be God without us.
One day I met a saint, who usually stood close to his Holiness, Baba Hardev Singhji, during the congregation. He was also frequently part of the convoy that accompanied Babaji on his salvation tours. I asked him what I could do to make Babaji happy. He said, please do nothing. I asked him many a time, but he repeated the same words, please do nothing. On insisting, he ended up saying something which I am still trying to understand and implement. He said – you have to die; you have to accept death while you are living.
They say you are truly liberated when you are no longer in fear of death. The only being who is fearless is one who cannot die, who doesn’t change, and who is ever constant. It is such a being we need to find, and become.
Make no mistake, it cannot be found through any act of bravery, kindness, knowledge or rituals. It is only found through the grace of the True Master. That is the first step towards being one. That is when you embark upon your journey to find your true self.
– Dr Yaksh Sharma, MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA
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