Our lives are driven by a need to be happy. It’s the reason why we go to work every day, in an effort to earn money to spend it on the things that make us happy. But how many of us are truly content with our lives? Why is it that something as simple as happiness seems so difficult to achieve? What are we chasing, and will we ever achieve it? Social media is rampant with formulas guiding us on how to manifest the perfect, happy life. A simple web search can lead you to thousands of articles brimming with secrets on living your best life, and 12-step formulas on how to achieve the life you desire.
From the moment we are born we are thrust into leading the type of life society expects of us. From childhood, we are focused on receiving a good education. As we get older, we enter relationships, get married, have children, secure a job, build a retirement plan, and go on vacations. This sounds like the ideal life, one filled with financial security, community support, and adventure. But what happens when life doesn’t go as planned? Perhaps our romantic relationships do not work out the way we had intended, the job we find ourselves in may not provide us with satisfaction, there may be infertility challenges, or financial problems. Life presents us with innumerable setbacks that often challenge our idea of a ‘perfect’ life. On the other hand, life may turn out exactly as one had imagined, and yet there is an emptiness that one is filled with inside. What then? What exactly is a perfect life?
Surely we all have our own definition of perfection, one that is ever-changing. There are instances where my idea of a perfect day consists of sitting on a beach on a remote island, other days, sitting in my backyard reading a good book fills me with contentment. And so, if my definition of a perfect life is so fickle, how will I ever be satisfied, and will I ever be able to achieve it?
I believe we experience the most radical transformation in our lives when we stop chasing an arbitrary idea of perfection and realize that true perfection already exists in our day to day, often seemingly mundane, imperfect experiences. Our mind is always searching for something else, always hoping for something to change in order for us to feel better. Life, however, is a miracle happening right in front of us! If only we could bask in it, relish it, and experience it.
It’s human nature to want to do better, to aspire to be or have what the people around us have. We think that if we look perfect, live a perfect life, work the perfect job, then perhaps we can avoid criticism, blame or ridicule. Reality is, that no one, not even the person we admire the most has it all together. Our shortcomings and idiosyncrasies are what make us who we are. The more we try to hide them the more havoc, anxiety, and uneasiness they cause. Expose them to the healing elements of truth and light and they lose their power. We are given countless timelines to adhere by, rules dictated by society on how to dress a certain way, speak a certain way, live a certain way. So often we become weighed down by these rules, and in turn are unable to be our true imperfectly-perfect authentic selves. Our well-being is determined by the degree to which we move with, instead of against, the passage of time. The more free-flowing we are with the challenges life presents, the less restless and more content we are with how our life is.
My job provides me with financial freedom, value and gratification. My family and friends provide me with a sense of belonging, love and community. I am hugely privileged, but even so all these things are temporary experiences. The likes of a job, a degree, a feeling of belonging to a circle of friends, may all convey a sense of steadiness, but they are never consistent. These illusions never satisfy for long, because both the best and worst experiences run their course. Only the truth of who we are, if realized, can and will set us free. The times where I feel uneasy, vulnerable, and troubled occur when I have difficult letting go of my version of how life should have been.
The foundation of a perfect life is being comfortable with change, knowing nothing ever lasts. It is being free from, or at least resilient to, mental and emotional struggles. It’s about waking up and going to sleep feeling content regardless of the circumstances. Although it may seem unattainable, such a robust foundation for living can be cultivated if we are rooted in Nirankar – the Formless, Unchanging, and Everlasting.
It is easy to focus on what we do not have, for the ego is constantly working to bring us back to a place of not having enough. May we work to cultivate attentiveness in our lives and bring back a sense of wonder and joy for all that life has to offer.
In the end I will share the apt lines by Jhumpa Lahiri’s Interpreter of maladies:
While the astronauts, heroes forever, spent mere hours on the moon, I have remained in this new world for nearly thirty years. I know that my achievement is quite ordinary… Still there are times I am bewildered by each mile I have travelled, each meal I have eaten, each person I have known, each room in which I have slept. As ordinary as it all appears, there are times when it is beyond my imagination.
It is through God-realized eyes that we are able to see the ordinary in an extraordinary way and celebrate the perfection that exists in our life. May we surrender to the mystery of tomorrow and relish in the abundance that today brings. Life is perfectly, imperfect – celebrate it.
– Akanksha Mehla, Detroit, USA
