As an individual who cruised through life unconsciously, I floated through the movements with autopilot on. I was a traveller simply traversing, ill-equipped to see through the dimness of prevailing torment. It gave me a prescriptive character that sketched out how I was to see the world and myself. But quick forward several years, amidst a mental emergency, I chose to embark on an excursion towards individual disclosure. I set out to build up a reason, to be succinct, and to come clean. This journey included the search for life’s most key question of human existence: who am I?
I thought the pieces of information were to be found in the individual that I used to be. So, I started assembling the leftovers of a profoundly divided past. I unearthed parts of an actual existence once lived and inspected each piece cautiously for a string to weave together the past to the present. I urgently wished to experience some mind-blowing discovery, which would embolden my sense of solidarity and reason. The more profoundly I looked, the more lost I felt. I did not, at this point, perceive the individual I once knew, for she was chillingly hidden beneath overwhelming layers of aggregate injury.
Although I did not perceive the individual I used to be, this did not, as I had first thought, mean I was lost. I had shed the layers of a character that filled its need at some point in history. However, it was not helpful to my current purpose. All through the process of self-revelation, I discovered that I could never genuinely lose myself. Only that we encounter many selves in our journey of life, where each version of self is not consistent and static for any period over time. Ending up includes an interminable phoenix-like condition of re-capitulation. I came to an understanding that I was never lost but had also not yet been found! So where did I begin?
1. Catalyse an identity
Start with yourself. Deal with yourself.
Characterize what your identity is. Refine your character.
Pick your goal and eloquent your Being.
— Dr Jordan B Peterson, 12 Rules forever: An Antidote to Chaos
A proposed work-out: I started by asking myself as to what characteristics I appreciate in an individual. This laid out a perfect set of aspirations that I may pursue, and insight as to what may be pushed aside, as it better not to emulate. As per Dr Peterson’s proposed thought, I organized my thinking around something of real significance – a worthy goal. I chose who I needed to be, and who I wished to be, and pointed resolutely at that with all dedication. This was done on my own terms. I thought of setting things up as I needed them to be, being the individual I should have been, and envisioned, at that point, what that would resemble now. In reflecting on responses to these inquiries, I developed further hopes and aspirations, to move towards. What is more, when these aspirations gradually began to be realised, the deadwood in my life could be burned.
2. Burn off the deadwood:
The truth is something that burns. It burns off dead wood. And people don’t like having the dead wood burnt off often because they’re 95 percent dead wood. Burning dead wood means shedding all the elements of you that are no longer worthy of the pursuits that you value. As you do that, you shape yourself evermore precisely into something that can withstand the tragedy of life and act as a beacon to the world. So let the death of what is insufficient about you, occur and then wait for your rebirth.
— Dr Jordan B Peterson
Once more, this progression is distinctively settled inside an extra-arrangement of inquiries. Consuming dead wood required asking myself – what would be a good idea for me to take forward with me in time, and what is it that I should relinquish? Moreover, at this point, I began to consider what is not in keeping with my newfound aspirations and interests. I remained perceptive of the notion that the more deadwood I consumed wilfully, the less it accumulated around me, and the simpler it became to push ahead in time.
3. Improve the quality of your actions
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
— Will Durant
This is not unimportant. My point was to create extraordinary propensities through little small activities (smaller scale schedules). In so doing, I planned to amplify an amazing nature that would be helpful for myself, my companions, family and wider network around me.
What would be my recommended work? It would be to enquire whether I could set my life up in a way that would fulfil the purpose of my existence. I had to consider what this would this pattern of life would actually look like. At this point, I planned seven days’ worth of activity, which resembled the kind of life I truly wanted to lead. This included managing each part of my life – mental prosperity, healthy diet, work-rest cycles, larger connections, career-building, working-out and above all, spiritual practice. I began to exclude any activity, if I discovered it did not bring profitability, joy or sense of importance to my life. I reconnected with the spirituality of my forefathers, and looked deeply into the Brahm Gyan (The Knowledge of the All-Peravding) that had been shared with me by Mentors in the Sant Nirankari Mission.
Having done so, I was able to return to the question, who am I? This time, with answers. I have learned that I am basically, and largely, deadwood. By this, I mean the small insignificant self –, which like our habits, keeps on growing to the point of decimating the real ‘I’, or Self. As my deadwood grows, the Self gets more and more buried under its weight.To come out of it, I have to muster enough courage and strength to lose, and rise above all that is insignificant and ephemeral. What the Mission advocates is sincere association with Brahm Gyan, an age-old formula that the Greeks called the Gnosis. Through its revelation, I found I could connect with the omnipotent power and strength that animates everything and everyone in the entire universe. I felt a deep association with all life, all beings.
I have discovered that when my ephemeral, temporary nature is removed, my real ‘Me’ – the essence – comes to the fore. It is such an essential Self – the underlying thread, connecting the whole of creation – that is Me. That is what I am.
Vibhor Bhatia,
Gauteng, South Africa
